Through the extremely long train ride to the school, walking up a whole bunch of steps through this park. Where many of the students go, to the entrance doors of the NAC building, with our IDs to show to the school safety guard. Walking in towards the escalators, seeing the other students who are just like me, who are here at a college for a reason. Just like we have heard from our professors at least once so far this semester, that we are all here for a reason, that we are here setting a goal for ourselves. But what isn’t talked about so much is how scary it is being in college. In the beginning, everyone, including myself, feels dedicated, motivated, and confident about going to college until we start. We all want the same thing, which is to get our education, our degree in whatever major, but that is just what we think others want to hear, or what we want to hear from ourselves.
There are times where I know why I’m here, but there are also other times that I question myself, why am I really in college? The basic answer is because I want or need to have that successful career that not only my family expects of me, but of what I also expect of myself. But what is the answer to the question, truly? Honestly, I feel like I do not know, but a big part of me knows that I want to be able to live my life knowing that I am successful with my life, that I have achieved something that others might not have the opportunity to do, or just cannot do at all. And that achievement starts in college, where I am building up to this big goal that seems so far but may be closer than it is.
Walking into the building, going up the escalators to get to class, only going “up” from down here. And if you don’t know what that means, it means that starting from the bottom, I am going to keep growing, as a person and intellectually. Being here makes it feel like just another day of school, but college is different in ways that we may or may not have noticed. There is this constant reminder to work hard for these classes that we walk up the same hill every time, to show that me and every other student here is capable. That reminder is these students who use their free time at the tables or seats to stay on top of their work. But I do feel that my reasoning for being in college is not only to start the journey to my career path. There is more to it. I also came here to create connections. Seeing other students have these conversations with their peers and friends shows that having these relationships is just as important as grades for a career. They are important because not only do they help you have that social life, but they also help grow and shape you into who you really are as a person. So, I am in college because it benefits me in so many ways such as finding out who I am, and becoming confident in who I can be.
Even though everyone here, including me, can seem so happy and confident walking around, whether it is to their classes, etc., many people that go to college have this one fear, this fear of failure. And this fear is what makes college seem so scary. It is scary because we as students know that what we do here can very much determine our future. Thoughts for example, I think that if I fail at something, that it would make me feel disappointed and make others such as my parents, siblings, or even other family members disappointed of me. To me, I do not want to have that feeling of failure following me around even if I had tried my hardest. There is also meeting new people, being somewhere new, which is so scary when in college. To me this is scary about being in college because as an introvert and independent person, it is not the easiest to be so open. This may add on a little to the fear of failure, but this feels like I am failing to connect to my peers which can prevent me from doing the best that I know I can do. Everyone is going to have many different things that they find scary, as I find failure scariest the most, but me and everyone else in college would not let these stop us from wanting to try our absolute best.
As long as I have my strong reasons to be in college which is to create success for myself and make connections, I think that I will be able to work through what scares me about being here. It might feel like I am the only one who may feel this way, but there might be others. I said might because everyone is different, so we would all feel different, but in a way, we are all similar. As mentioned before, everyone is here because they have their goal or reason, everyone has their own purpose and meaning in their own life. For me, success looks like a future where I have my dream career with all the support from others around me. I am trying to achieve a degree and a license, while being financially stable, also while being able to travel and explore many different things. While taking my field notes, I ‘ve seen all the students who put a lot of dedication into their schoolwork, as there are students who also care for their social life as well. Overall, these field notes made me feel and think that although there are times, I may feel like I ‘m not in the right place, I know that I am and starting something great for myself and my future.
